There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
