You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
