I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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