EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize