About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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