just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
