I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
