he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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