You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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