I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
