there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
