I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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