Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
