You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
