Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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