my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
