i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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