Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
