he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
