no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
