So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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