If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
