I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
