Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize