question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
