Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize