in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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