i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
