I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
