i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just cropdusted the office
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
