is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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