Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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