You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
