My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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