oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The uberlube is also flammable
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
