He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
