So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
