I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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