so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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