I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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