John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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