I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FUCK WHALES
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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