I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
