I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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