i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we have officially lost it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
