I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
