So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
