She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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