I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
