my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we made out on top of his cat.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
