oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
