Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize