so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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