Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
