Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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