You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize