fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
