alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
