Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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