I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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