1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
