So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
