Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
