You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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