I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
