They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
