I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
