If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
