He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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