Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
