:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
