My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
