Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
