it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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