You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
