he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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