I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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