maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
