the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
