I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
