I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
